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Building mindfulness within The Family

Me’ah Foundation
Gratia L. Meyer, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
6053 South Quebec Street, 203
303.779.5232 – FAX 303.221.8493
Centennial, CO  80111 gratiameyer@yahoo.com

ABSTRACT

The core problem within families is misperceptions, miscommunication and false understanding.  This discordance brings a heightened level of suffering. Suffering needs to be addressed as a basic source of human perception.   In order for family members to be free of their suffering, it is necessary for them to understand the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path which involves especially facilitating the development of right view, understanding, effort, speech, action, mindfulness, livelihood and concentration.    

In order to diminish the feelings of suffering in a family member, we need to recognize the developmental levels of suffering. Based on Mindfulness and neuro-psychology, I have identified six levels of suffering:  all encompassing, by misperceiving the facial/gestures of others, believing it is caused by others, losing group affiliation, witnessing human rights violation and being aware it is universal.  With listening deeply and without judgment, we identify the level of suffering in another, neutralize our expectations and anger toward the loved one and ever so gently express compassion and love at that level of suffering.

In order to love someone, we must come from the foundation of gratitude.  Building this foundation begins with knowing that the ultimate goal is to help our parents, spouse, and children diminish their suffering and by doing so, they will grow in compassion towards their loved ones and ultimately to all sentient beings.

The Four Noble Truths assist family members in learning the cause of their suffering and with skillful means to overcome their suffering. If a child does not understand his father’s suffering, then he will not understand his own suffering and the suffering of his spouse and children.  If a husband does not understand his wife’s suffering, then he will not know how to love with gratitude.

It is important not to grasp onto the hurt and pain of a loved one but rather listen deeply to his perception of suffering and respond at that level.   If the loved one feels that his suffering is all over his body, then we ought to respond by asking him to describe the physical pain without judgment.  If a child feels that his friends do not love him, we smile with empathy, and acknowledge how painful it is to feel rejected by his group.  Without demanding the child to leap to a higher level of understanding (e.g. all beings suffer), we discuss how important it is to belong to that affiliation, search for the common seeds within that affiliation and help him make amends to the disgruntled group or change to another affiliation.